‘Date’ Rape
In the 1980s the term ‘date rape’ was coined in the USA. It came out of findings from several studies that showed that a high number of college students in the USA were being raped by their ‘dates’. We now know that ‘date rape’ is common and men use a range of excuses to justify their behaviour such as:
“I’d spent a lot of money on her, I expected something in return.”
“She asked me in for a coffee – no way did she just mean ‘coffee’.”
“She was all over me like a rash – she wanted it.”
And the old favourite ….
“She really got me going – I couldn’t stop myself.”
There is no excuse. No means No. It doesn’t matter if the guy has spent a small fortune, if you’ve been kissing and touching, if you invited him into your home or if he was sexually aroused.
Being raped by a man you know, that you have spent time with and enjoyed his company, does not lessen the impact of the assault. In fact, it can add to the sense of betrayal of trust and increase the blame that women often feel.
Many women who contact the Rape Crisis Centre have been raped or sexually assaulted by men they know. It can be a husband or ex-husband, partner or boyfriend, but it can also be other men that women know such family members, friends, neighbours, teachers or lecturers, priests, work colleagues. If that man is in a particular position of power – in your local area, your school, college or university, your church or your workplace – it may be extremely difficult to speak out about it.
