Feelings you may experience as a survivor of Ritual Abuse

You may have been told by the perpetrators that you can never escape, that no matter where you go, they will find you. And if you have left the group this may mean that you are constantly ‘looking over your shoulder’ in fear that you will be found. This is often used as a way to control and keep survivors in the group.

But many survivors do escape and reach safety.

You may live in fear of reprisals or there may have been threats to members of your family. It can also be difficult to leave the group if your whole family is involved, and there may be threats that members of your family will be harmed if you leave. It will take a great deal of courage to leave and you have to trust that others who want to leave the group will be able to find that courage for themselves and seek support.

You may feel that you cannot speak about your experiences because no-one will believe you – and you may have been told by your abusers that you will not be believed. This may make you feel you cannot trust anyone enough to speak to, but there are organisations which have experience of working with survivors of ritual abuse where you can get support and information.

Triggers

Triggers are smells, places, dates, names that trigger a memory or an emotional or physical response. Survivors or Ritual Abuse may experience a range of triggers such as dates on the calendar, phases of the moon, music, smells, certain words or colours and these can have provoke intense physical and emotional reactions such as:

Flashbacks

Flashbacks are a natural reaction to the trauma of sexual abuse but they can be very frightening and women often describe feelings of fear, confusion, panic, being out of control, terror. This is because they can happen when you least expect them and can be triggered by a noise, a smell or by seeing something that reminds you of the abuse.

No, you are not crazy. You may feel that you can’t speak to anyone about your flashbacks because you think you are going crazy, but it’s a natural part of the healing process.

Sometimes women will try to avoid all the things that trigger flashbacks but the down side of this is that it can really limit what you do and where you go. But there are other ways to help alleviate the fear and panic that flashbacks cause.

Tell yourself that it’s a flashback and that, scary as it is, you are now safe.
Breathe. When you are having a flashback you stop breathing normally and this can cause a pounding in your head, dizziness, shaking, sweating, feeling faint. If you can start breathing normally the feelings of panic will lessen.
Take time to recover. It will take a while for you to feel yourself again so give yourself permission to take some time to get back to your normal activities.
Get some support. You might want to be on your own when the flashbacks happen but if you have someone who knows about them, you can choose to talk about your feelings anytime you need to.
Remind yourself you’re in the real world. Stamp your feet or clap your hands loudly.
Remember that this is part of your healing process and you are a survivor.

Panic Attacks

Panic attacks are sudden, unexpected anxiety attacks that can include sweating, tightening of the chest, shortness of breath, numbness, tingling of the hands and feet or needing to go to the toilet, your mouth may dry up and you may jump at even the slightest noise.

When you first experience a panic attack you may be confused, not sure of what is happening to your body and frightened that you can’t control it. But panic attacks are another way your body has of coping with the abuse you have experienced. If your body feels threatened, it responds with the ‘fight or flight’ response and a panic attack is an exaggerated form of this.

Although panic attacks are your body’s way of coping with the memories of the abuse, there are some substances that can make it worse. These include:

Alcohol, nicotine and caffeine and some drugs can make panic attacks worse. Also some prescription drugs can bring the attack on more severely. Withdrawal from some sedatives can have the same effect.
Your blood sugar levels being too high – this can be caused by junk food, overeating or too much fasting.
Hyperventilating caused by stress can make a panic attack worse.

Nightmares

It’s also common for women survivors of abuse to suffer sleep disturbances or nightmares. These may be an exact replay of past events or it may be an abstract series of events that are hard to remember but are still upsetting.

Nightmares may be triggered by a date, a smell or a familiar place or person and can make you afraid to go to sleep. Talking to someone about the nightmares and the feelings they bring up may help. It may also help to have someone with you or a friend you can wake up for support if the nightmares do not go away.