Myths
About rape and sexual abuse
We hear remarks all the time – on TV, in newspapers, in magazines, from friends and relatives – that are untrue and hurtful for girls and women who have been raped or abused. These are called myths and they make excuses for men who rape or abuse. These myths suggest that rape isn’t really that bad, or talk as though girls and women are to blame for being raped or even enjoy it. One of the reasons why rape and sexual abuse continue to happen, and why it is so hard to tell others without fearing you will be blamed, is that many people still believe these myths.
Myth
‘Girls who dress in revealing clothes can’t complain if a man gets carried away. They shouldn’t go out in clothes like that.’
Fact
No girl ever deserves, or asks to be raped no matter what she wears. To say that is like saying that someone is asking to be mugged because they are carrying a bag, or someone is asking to have their house burgled because they have a nice television. This is just a way of excusing the behaviour of men who rape or abuse.
Myth
‘It’s a well known fact that girls say they’ve been raped when they haven’t – especially if they’ve stayed out late at night and might get into trouble with their parents.’
Fact
Telling someone that you’ve been raped or abused is far from easy and women very rarely lie about it. Sometimes a girl who has told someone that she has been raped or abused may take it back because she is afraid of what might happen as a result of her telling. In fact, only about 3% of rape allegations are false – the same percentage as for false allegations about any other crime.
Myth
‘If a man takes you out and spends a lot of money on you he’s entitled to something in return.’
Fact
Sexual intercourse should involve an equal decision between two people. You have the right to say ‘No’ to sexual activity at any point, whether or not a boy or man has paid for your night out, drinks, meal etc. If a man forces sex on a woman after he has bought something for her, it is still rape.
Myth
‘Rapists and men who abuse children are mentally ill perverts.’
Fact
Most sexual attacks are committed by men you know rather than strangers in dark alleys or madmen. If you know the man it is still rape or sexual abuse. Men who rape and abuse children are ‘normal’ men who come from every class, race and background – you can’t tell by looking at them that they are rapists.
Myth
‘Rape isn’t that serious – it’s just sex when you don’t want it.’
Fact
Rape is not the same thing as sexual intercourse. For the woman, it is a violent act over which she has no control and during it many women fear for their lives. If she knows the man, or if she has had sex with him before, it is still rape.
Myth
‘If you didn’t struggle, you mustn’t have minded that much.’
Fact
Many girls and women say that they couldn’t fight back when they were raped because the man was so much bigger, stronger, there were more than one of them, or because they were too scared to struggle for fear of being hurt or killed. When someone is attacked their body may respond with a ‘fight or flight’ response but if your brain believes that you will have a better chance of survival if you do nothing, you might experience an ‘immobility response’ where you will just freeze. Your brain is making that decision for your body and you have no control over it. This is your best chance of survival. Just because a woman doesn’t fight back or struggle does not mean that she didn’t mind the rape happening.
