Worries

‘I can’t tell my parents ….’

Many young women who have experienced abuse struggle with their feelings alone because they can’t tell their parents or anyone in their family. This may be because:

‘I shouldn’t have been out that late …’
‘They told me not to go to the party …’
‘I said I was at my pal’s house …’
‘I was drinking/taking drugs …’
‘It was a family friend/neighbour/relative …’
‘They’ll get the police involved then everybody will know …’

You may be worried about how your parents or other family members will react when you tell them, that they will blame you for not doing as you were advised. You may not want to tell them if you were abused by someone in your family or perhaps a family friend or neighbour because you worry that you will not be believed.

You can contact Rape Crisis and speak to a support worker about your feelings and your fears. If in the future you do feel you can speak to your parents or another family member, Rape Crisis can also offer them support, whether they are male or female.

‘I’m having problems at school …’

Many young women who speak to us at the Rape Crisis Centre tell us that after they have been raped or sexually assaulted, they cannot concentrate on their school work. Some tell us that they just don’t care any more. And for some young women, these feelings are made worse by teachers telling them how important exams are etc.

This is an important time in a young woman’s life and it may help to have a support worker to talk through these worries and how they are affecting you. You don’t have to phone the Rape Crisis Centre – after you have made contact with us you can get support by email, letter or text.

‘He won’t leave me alone …’

For most young women who are raped or sexually assaulted, the perpetrator is someone they know and this is often a boyfriend or pal. Some young women have told us that the attack was filmed on mobile phones and sent round schoolfriends; that texts about the incident have been circulated or that bullying texts are being sent to the young woman with more threats of sexual assault.

You may have been consenting to a sexual act which was then photographed and circulated by phone or on websites such as YouTube or Bebo. This is a betrayal of your trust which can not only devastate your feelings but make you feel very vulnerable and unable to trust others.

If this is happening to you, you may want to get help from a trusted teacher, youth worker or you may want to speak to the police about it. Circulating sexual images by phone is a criminal offence and anyone doing this can be charged under the Telecommunications Act.

If you are receiving threatening texts and you want to report them, keep all your texts and show them to your teacher or to the police.

You can contact Rape Crisis for support or check out some support websites such as www.antibullying.net or www.youthinformation.com

‘Was it my fault?’

I got drunk …

Being drunk does not give anyone the right to sexually assault you. Sex should be something pleasurable that happens between two consenting people. If you are drunk, you are not able to give that consent freely, and the man who takes advantage of that vulnerability is guilty of a sexual assault.

I told everybody I really fancied him – who will believe that he raped me?

When you fancy someone that doesn’t mean you want to have sex with him. You may want that guy as your boyfriend, to get to know him and to take things at your own pace. He does not have the right to rape you because you have made it clear that you fancy him. He should respect your right to say no and if he does not, he is guilty of rape or sexual assault.

‘I did something for money ….’

He used to buy me things

Many abusers will buy gifts for the young person they are abusing. This serves several purposes: the young person feels ‘special’ and cared for and the abuser will often tell her that their relationship is a special one and that he loves her. But buying gifts also serves to make that young person feel guilty and often feels responsible for accepting the presents. The abuser might tell her that she must want the ‘relationship’ or she wouldn’t be taking the gifts. It doesn’t matter if you have been given gifts or money – if you feel uncomfortable in any relationship and feel forced to perform acts you do not want to, then this is abuse.

He bought me credits for an online game

There have been reports of young people being asked to perform sexual acts in front of a webcam in exchange for credits for online games, or for money paid into a Paypal account. You might feel that this is harmless or a bit of a laugh, but remember, you have no control over where those pictures go once they have been received by someone else.

If this has happened to you, you may want to contact the gaming company to tell them about it. If there are people gaming who are targeting young people for sex acts, the company will want to know.

You may want to speak to a support worker about what has happened to you. You can ring Rape Crisis and speak to someone on the helpline or you can email on support@rapecrisiscentre-glasgow.co.uk