Going forward

You can go forward and make a journey from being a victim of sexual abuse to being a survivor. It may take a long time and be painful along the way but it’s worth it. If you make plans for your journey now, then you’ll know what to do when you feel really down.

Remembering and believing – how do you feel?

In this booklet we have seen how other women and girls have dealt with their feelings. You can use this to help you work out how you feel, though not all of the feelings will apply to you. We are all different.
To go forward it’s important to accept your feelings and take your time discovering what they are.

Throwing away the guilt

It is very common for girls to feel guilty after they have been raped or abused. It may take a while to understand and accept that it was not your fault – that you were not to blame in any way
Throw away your feelings of guilt and shame and go forward without them.

Make yourself ‘Number One’.

Learn to like yourself again and put yourself first. Often when you have been abused you take on a lot of burdens, including worrying about other people’s feelings more than your own. You might have been so busy trying to protect other people that you forgot about yourself, but in order to make your journey you need to remember that you are a worthwhile person.
Take care of your body – it belongs to you. Try to make sure you eat properly, sleep well and do some exercise.
Create a safe space. Think about places where you can be alone when you want to be, or places where someone will be there to support you when you need it. Have comforting routines that you can do in a crisis like taking a bubble bath, making a warm drink or have objects that you like near you like a blanket or a teddy.

Express yourself

Find an outlet for your feelings. Don’t bottle them up. Work out a plan for when you are overcome with fear, sadness or anger, or when you are going to explode. It helps to know ways to express it without hurting yourself or someone else. You could try to:

Talk about it. When your thoughts stay in your head they can overwhelm you. Having the opportunity to say them aloud to someone who believes you and supports you can be a real relief. It can make them clearer and help you work out what you want.
Write it down. Put down on paper what’s going through your head. Don’t worry about spelling or grammar. Buy yourself a diary with a lock or just use scraps of paper and throw them away when you’ve finished. Write a letter to the person who abused you. You don’t have to send it.
Draw a picture or paint it. It might sound funny but when you can’t put emotions into words, colours and lines can help. You don’t have to show anyone, and don’t worry how ‘good’ or ‘bad’ it is.
Physical outlets such as swimming, running, aerobics, dancing, pounding on pillows, going to the gym.

Ask for help

You don’t have to go through your journey alone. You deserve support.

Decide who you trust and feel safe with. It may be someone you know well or someone you don’t. Make a list of possible people – it can be your friend, your sister, an aunt, a teacher, a youth worker or a support worker.
If the first person you tell doesn’t seem to understand, try the next. Then when you have one or more support persons, have their phone number recorded safely somewhere.
Contact a support agency where you can speak to one of the support workers. If you’re not sure about this at first, you don’t have to give your name.